I, I think that I might be a cyborg now. I have three different external pumps hooked up to me now, one of them even includes a tube going into my nose. The doctors claim that it goes into my stomach, to feed me nutrients, but I know the truth, it leads back up into my brain, and it’s not a Slim Fast style shake that is pumping nutrients into me, but it is a mind control juice, replacing my brains with mush! OMG. OhMG, OhMaG, OHMAHGAHHHH!!!!! Not really, but it is fun to think! Maybe its an experiment with Soylent Green. Bill? Is that you?
I wonder what would happen if you really were given the puree ‘o’ man. Would your political views change? Could you swap out with a super genius right before an exam, and become smarter than you really are? Would you be able to answer the questions that I am posing now?
These are the kinds of thing that run through my head, at 5 in the morning, while I am sitting in a hospital room, with no mental stimulation, aside from Reddit, and local news. My mind is full of useless ideas like this, none of them make much sense, and most of them come to me at inappropriate times. For example, I was at a funeral when it occurred to me that all fruit loops are the same flavor. I actually made a “Hmm” sound out loud during a moment of silence, and gave myself an anxiety attack trying to figure out why I hadn’t noticed this, and whether or not I was correct. Perhaps Toucan Sam wasn’t lying to me, and they were all different flavors, maybe it was the milk picking up all of those different flavors, and mixing them together like some evil genius fusion restaurant that took all of these sugar packed flavors, and turned them into some sort of lemon dominant citrus flavor that smelled like “Joy” brand dish soap only slightly better tasting! And of course we are at a funeral, so even though I am diving down that rabbit hole, I can’t exactly pull out my phone and look it up, that would be rude.
Wait a minute!! Why are they all looking at me? Could they see the panic in my eyes as I tried to run through every possible scenario to find the truth behind the multi colored rings of the breakfast time anomaly, but now everyone was staring at me as if figuring out exactly what that flavor was, as if they were nuclear codes! Oh the pressure! Oh the agony!! Had I started to wonder about this aloud? Why are they all looking? Furthermore, why is the guy next to me standing up? Is he trying to differentiate between myself and himself so others know that he is not a part of “Cerealgate 2017?”
As I soon found out, he was standing to tell everyone where the reception is to be held, following the service. I wish I had paid attention, I was going to go to the reception, and count that as lunch, and I cant ask the guy to repeat himself, lest I run the risk of explaining my theory on Fruit Loops, or the Loop Effect on Milk conundrum. But, what are you going to do, right?
You aren’t really insane, if you think you are insane, right? Because that is my only hope, really. The saddest part about all of this? I’m really a Cinnamon Toast Crunch guy, myself.
Cinnamon Toast Crunch is kind of a cop out of cereals. When it mixes with milk, or even when it stands alone, it provides the same flavor, a delicate mixture of savory and sweet, much like myself.
People wonder why I am happy most of the time, and the truth is, this is the kind of stuff that is on my mind, every day. This is why I am not focused on health problems all the time, there are cereal debates to be had! Hell with it, next election, I want a military guy to win, so I will cast my vote, for General Mills.